Liam's Birth Story

I've been meaning to write this down for a while, but (oddly enough) as a new mom I haven't had tons of time on my hands. But today is Liam's 2 month birtheversary, so I got it together to post today.

Sunday, March 8th, 2020, I did NOT feel well. I attributed it to doing a lot the day before. I had a baby shower, ran some errands, etc. while very, very pregnant, so I figured I was paying for being overactive. Church was rough. I was in extreme pain, nauseous, and overheated really, really badly during Relief Society, so finally waddled my way out of the room and out of the building to stand outside in the cool air for a bit. Walking was excruciating, but the heat won out. It was a rough day at church, to say the least.

Last picture taken that shows my pregnant belly

I thought that maybe this is what ladies meant when they said that they felt their babies "drop" in preparation for birth. If it was, that meant that I would likely be dealing with this level of pain for the next couple of weeks until I was induced on the 23rd. I was not a huge fan of that idea.

After church, Jonathan and I laid down to take a short nap before getting up to make cinnamon rolls to have with the dinner that a couple of his old roommates were bringing over to have with us. I was so uncomfortable that I'm not sure that I actually fell asleep at all. When the time came to get up (about 5 PM), I felt like I had to pee, so headed to the bathroom. But on the way there I just... leaked.

I had had a couple of close calls before, but this felt different. Some liquid just came out as I went to sit on the toilet. And then after I peed and wiped, there was still more liquid just trickling out of me. I had no control over it at all.

Was this it? Was this my water breaking?

I stood up and continued to leak out onto the floor. So I called labor and delivery and told them what happened. They told me to lay down and cough every so often and see if more liquid came out, and then in an hour, if I stood up and leaked more, to call them back.

I laid down on a towel and did just that and it became clear pretty quickly that my water had almost certainly broken. Anytime I coughed I would gush, and standing up caused a small stream to come down.

While I was laying on the towel, Jonathan had started making cinnamon rolls, just in case.

After about an hour, I called L&D back and they told me to go ahead and come in so that they could double check that my water really had broken.

So Jonathan told his friends that we were likely going to have to cancel dinner and asked if they could come pick the cinnamon roll dough up and finish making them because the dough was already prepared and rising.

When they got there, we were gathering things to go to the hospital. They were surprised by how calm everything was. I wasn't contracting at all, so besides the pain from before, I was doing pretty okay and was just walking around the apartment, gathering our wallets and jackets to take with us to the hospital.

When we got there, it was extremely evident that my water had indeed broken, so after a quick check they had us gather our stuff to take to a delivery room.

Jonathan grabbed most of it and as he was bending down to grab my clothes off of the floor, he pinched his back.

Stellar timing.

I still hadn't started contracting, so at this point, Jonathan was in significantly more pain than I was, which didn't bode well for the rest of the delivery. He felt awful knowing that he probably wouldn't be able to help as much as he had expected to.

My brother and Jonathan's roommates came to the hospital to give us both blessings. They brought us some of the dinner that they had prepared, and some cinnamon rolls.

Ammon was the voice for my blessing and in it he said that Liam was just as excited to meet me as I was to meet him. He also said something to effect of "be able to push through..." and I legit started laughing in the middle of the blessing. I felt bad, but come on, PUSH. The blessing was perfect.

The doctor that I had been seeing for my prenatal care was supposed to also deliver my baby, but was going to be out of town on and off for a lot of March, so was going to have me meet with his partner at my next appointment so that I would have met him just in case I went into labor while he was gone. That appointment was scheduled for later that week, so I hadn't met him yet, but my doctor was, indeed, out of town when my water broke, so I ended up with the other doctor anyway. (He was great, it was just really funny how it all worked out).

The nurses wanted me to walk around the ward to try to get my contractions to kick start naturally and to get my cervix to start to dilate (it was still only at a 1). Ammon stayed and hung out with me so that Jonathan could get some rest.

While I walked around, I called a friend from my ward and walked her through gathering stuff from our apartment that we would need for the next few days. I didn't have anything packed yet because I thought that I would likely still have a couple of weeks and most of the stuff that I needed was stuff that I was constantly using.

After an hour, nothing had progressed, so the next step was going to be to put me on pitocin to kick-start labor.

Ammon went back home and soon after my friend arrived with all of our things.

Jonathan was still in extreme pain and I realized pretty quickly that I was going to need someone else there to help out with things. He tried so hard to help, but watching him try to even cross the room and grab something out of my bag for me was excruciating to watch. So I asked Ammon if he could come back and spend the night.

I never would have imagined my younger brother being there for my labor, but my parents are out east and Ammon is the only family around, and he's my best friend.

So he was the one that would refill my water, grab things for me from the duffel back that my friend brought, etc.

I'm not sure exactly what time I was put on pitocin, but the epidural was supposed to immediately follow.

Last picture of me with Liam still inside of me!

However, after I was induced, a lady came in that was dilated to an 8 already. And then after her another lady came in that needed a C-section. So every so often my nurse would come in and tell me that the anesthesiologist was on their way, but that things kept coming up. I was still just sitting there in bed feeling pretty much fine other than the fact that I felt like I was peeing myself constantly. I didn't know that the fluid would just keep gradually coming out over hours... Haha

Eventually though, the contractions really started to kick in and they were AWFUL.

Jonathan and my bomb nurse helped me through each contraction while we waited for the anesthesiologist to arrive. I only felt the contractions for probably 20 minutes or so, but they were SO painful.

Ammon somehow slept through all of this part despite him assuring me that he's a light sleeper so I could wake him up from my hospital bed if I needed him for anything. I wasn't quite yelling, but I wasn't the most quiet through the contractions either.

The anesthesiologist finally arrived and put the epidural in, but I started contracting in the middle of the process. It was pretty miserable, but after another few minutes, the contractions faded away and I was blissfully numb.

At this point, I was supposed to be able to sleep for a few hours with the expectation that baby would probably arrive sometime around 5 AM the next day.

Despite no longer being in pain, and actually feeling better than I had in months because of the epidural, I didn't manage to sleep literally at all.

Jonathan and Ammon slept though.

Gotta love Jonathan using a hospital gown as an eye mask

After a while, my nurse came in and told me that every time I contracted, Liam's heart rate dropped. Apparently when I would contract, it pinched the umbilical cord, causing a pause in blood flow. So throughout the night/morning, they kept having me change positions, and even had me put a giant rubber peanut between my legs to see if it would help. Nothing made a difference, but Liam was doing okay, so they just continued to monitor him.

Eventually Ammon woke up and we listened to music and played card games.

It took hours and hours for me to dilate at all, and I so it wasn't time to push until after noon.

Once the pushing started, it was like the epidural didn't exist. I felt EVERYTHING. Jonathan stationed himself next to me and helped push my right leg during each contraction and push. He couldn't move anywhere else because of his back, but he made sure to be right there with me and do what he could.

After a little bit of pushing the doctor checked my cervix and found that part of it was still stuck around Liam's head. They had me take a 20 minute break from pushing and then we resumed.

It was excruciating. The nurse and Jonathan kept telling me to push and I knew that I had to, but didn't feel like I could. The nurse terrified me by telling me that if I didn't push, Liam could get hurt. I started panicking despite my best efforts to just focus on pushing. At one point the doctor told me that he could see Liam's head and that he had a lot of hair. I snapped out of the panic for just a second to yell "can you tell what color it is?!" to which he replied that it was black. Then I kept going.

The only other time that I snapped out of my panicked pushing was when Ammon- still in the room, but over on the couch -all of a sudden goes "Anna! Remember that time I jumped down the stairs and hit my head on the ceiling?" And I actually laughed. No one else understood, but I knew exactly what he was doing. He knows me better than anyone and knows that telling me that I can do it or that I have to because something bad will happen if I don't only makes me panic more. He knew that I needed humor to get my mind off of things and that memory was perfect. He told me later that he had thought about teasing me while I was pushing, just as I teased him the whole time we waited for an ambulance after he hit his head, but wasn't sure about it. I told him that I wish that he had, it honestly would have helped more than anything else.

(I will explain the ceiling story at the bottom for anyone that is interested)

Side note- Ammon was there through the entire delivery but was determined not to see his sister's vagina or boobs, so shielded his eyes every time he walked by. It was hilarious to watch.

The three things that I talked to the doctor about beforehand were that I wanted an epidural, I wanted to breastfeed, and I wanted to avoid an episiotomy at all costs. He told me that he only does them as an absolute last resort, so when he told me during the hard labot that he was going to have to do one, I was okay with it. I just wanted my baby out safely at that point.

He made the cut and then had to use a vacuum on Liam while I pushed.

The relief that I felt when Liam finally exited fully is indescribable. Relief that the pushing was over, that I had done it and that my son was here and was okay. I could hardly believe it. Nine months of carrying him and he was finally here.

Jonathan moved down to cut the cord. I couldn't see a thing but heard that cry and knew that my baby was safe.

They handed him to me and I learned that the "new baby smell" was not talking about brand, brand new because that smelled like the inside of my uterus.

But seriously, I could hardly believe that he was finally here, in my arms. I couldn't see much of him because of the way that I was laying, but I knew that he was perfect because he was mine.

They took him away all too soon to clear out his lungs. He was a bit purplish when he came out.

I couldn't see him anymore and I hated it. I asked Jonathan if he was okay and he told me what they were doing and then told me that he was peeing on his own foot, so he was definitely okay.

I was informed that he was born at precisely 2 PM and was 8 lbs even and 21 inches long. He also arrived at 37 weeks exactly. It seems that my little guy was a bit of a perfectionist at the beginning.

I was so relieved when they handed him back to me. I got to feel his squishy, water-weight body, admire his thick patch of black hair, and marvel at his grumpy old man face. It didn't matter that he still had clumps of blood in his hair and smelled like amniotic fluid. He was finally here and I loved him. I could hardly believe that minutes before, he had been inside of me.

For the rest of the hospital stay, I held him as much as possible.

I was exhausted from not sleeping for over 24 hours, not eating for hours because the epidural, and, oh yeah, pushing a small human out of my vagina. But that was all okay. He was worth it. He was worth the nine months and he was worth the contractions and the pain and the panicking and the exhaustion. None of that mattered because he was here.

The love that I had for him was so surreal. I loved him when he was inside of me, but that love didn't even come close to what I felt with him in my arms instead of in my body.

We named him Liam Jonathan Laulusa. He was named after two of the most important men in my life. Liam, loosely after my dad William, and Jonathan after his own dad, my husband.

I don't know why, but he looks like Yoda to me in this picture.
Not baby Yoda, old man Yoda.

Liam came at the absolute perfect time. A couple of days after we got home from the hospital, everything started shutting down because of Coronavirus. I had been bummed that I would be missing church for a few weeks while Liam's immune system developed, but church has been at home ever since that Sunday that my water broke anyway. Liam waited until after my baby shower and after that last Sunday at church, but came just in time for me to avoid tighter restrictions at the hospital. And honestly, having Jonathan home for these first couple months of Liam's life has been a massive blessing. I honestly don't know how I would have made it without him.

I don't really know how to end this post. I feel like there is so much more that I could say about all of this, but let me end with a few things that I learned:

Nurses are literal angels on earth and deserve every single good thing.

Sugar-free pomegranate ice chips are disgusting but the non-sugarless mango ones are pretty dang good.

The uterus takes a LONG time to empty itself of all of the amniotic fluid, so expect to just be wet and to drip every time you stand up for hours after your water breaks.

Labor is very different than I would have thought. Every labor is different of course, but if you had told me that I would be walking around totally normally and calmly before we headed to the hospital or that I would be singing to musicals and playing card games while my body was actively preparing to expel a human being, I never would have believed you.

There's nothing more attractive than being woken up by your husband after you fall asleep with your baby in your arms and hearing him say "I can take care of him now."

There's a funny story behind this picture that I'll share at the bottom

Nightmares about your baby are absolutely terrifying, and waking up from one while the baby is out of the room getting his hearing tested is pretty much the worst thing.

Hospital food is surprisingly good and the portions are huge.

I'm a lot more okay with wearing nothing but mesh undies with a massive pad in it for two days than I would have thought.

I can apparently survive on very, very little sleep.

Baby mittens are a must at first because they told me not to cut his nails for the first two weeks even though he absolutely savaged his own face. We tried using socks on his hands but they wouldn't stay on at all. I look back on the pictures from those first few days and it's heartbreaking to see how scratched up his poor little face was!

Jaundice makes the whites of your eyes yellow. Also, I learned later that ethnic babies are more likely to be jaundiced than full Caucasian babies.

Leaving the hospital is bittersweet because you are no longer interrupted by nurses constantly when you finally start to fall asleep, but you're also no longer interrupted by nurses who know a lot more about caring for a postpartum you and a brand new baby than you do.

First time in his car seat! He looks so bitty!

Breastfeeding is hellish at best at the beginning. I ended up having to hand express the teensy bit of colostrum into a container and then syringe it into his mouth quite a few times. (Also, if you give birth at Madison Memorial and need to hand express colostrum, ask for a medicine cup to do it in because they gave me a full on bottle which is way too big for those few drops)

And last, but not least, it is possible for the love in your heart to expand seemingly infinitely because of a little tiny human.

My little human is two months old today and that love continues to grow. And the sleep deprivation, the horrible learning curve with breastfeeding, the fears for health and safety, the crying, and EVERYTHING else that is so hard about being a parent, is so incredibly worth it to have Liam Jonathan Laulusa in my life.

PS- I want to make it clear that even though Jonathan wasn't able to help with a lot through this whole process and right after Liam was born, he made sure to be there for the most important parts. He held me through the contractions- despite his own terrible pain -and was right there with me- speaking to me calmly and assuring me that I could do what I needed to -through the pushing. He ended up going to the ER a few hours after Liam arrived, but waited until then to do it so that he would be there when I needed him the most.

PPS- In addition to Ammon, I need to give a shout out to my friend Amber for gathering everything at our apartment and bringing it to me at the hospital and also to my friend Jess and her boyfriend Thomas. They came to the hospital to be with me while Jonathan got checked out in the ER. Jess is the first person besides me and Jonathan to hold Liam (Ammon left soon after Liam was born). They were lifesavers in a pinch and I am so grateful for them!!!

Thomas holding Liam

It's crazy how chubby he looks with all of the water weight!

Okay, story one:

Ten years ago, I was sitting on the computer when I heard a commotion and then Ammon yell at our dog. I went over to see what was going on and found Ammon laying at the bottom of the stairs with blood coming out of his head. He had jumped down the stairs and hit his head on the overhang of ceiling. 

While we waited for an ambulance to arrive, I did what any good sister would do and sat with Ammon and teased him mercilessly. When the paramedics got there, I continued talking to- and making fun of -Ammon. One of the EMTs said- in all seriousness -"Wow, you've got a mean sister!" 

It made me SO mad. He had no idea that teasing Ammon was the best thing that I could do for him, or that I worried about him the rest of the evening after they strapped him to a board and took him to the hospital. I knew that if I was too nice or too reassuring, Ammon would worry. The best way to keep him calm would be to act completely normally and make him laugh. So that's exactly what I did, even though on the inside, I was absolutely freaking out.

Ammon was totally fine. He got a few staples in his head and we still have a dent above the stairs.

The point is, I'm the same way. Sometimes comforting words are nice, but Ammon has learned that when I'm having a panic attack, the best thing to do is hold me and make me laugh, including teasing me.

Story two:

At one point, I was holding Liam and was going to feed him, but had to pee. So instead of putting him in the bassinet next to my hospital bed, I moved Jonathan's arms, placed Liam on his chest, and then put his arms back over him. When I came out of the bathroom, Jonathan was methodically patting Liam's bum. In his sleep. He has no memory of me ever putting Liam there; it was just an automatic response. Jonathan is hard wired to be a dad, even in his sleep on maybe day two of being a father! I wish that I had taken a video, but I'm glad that I at least snapped a picture!

Anyway, Liam is two months old today, so I wanted to share some pictures of him now and his stats:

Liam is now 11 lbs 12 oz and 24 inches tall!

He got some shots today (yesterday when this will be posted) and has been super snuggly as a result.

Grump face

His eyes have been dark from the beginning. At first you could hardly see his pupils!

Sleeping with his hands oddly sticking up over his chest (the picture doesn't do it justice)

Liam likes to stick his face in any crevice that he can find.
Resulting in marks like this:

Looking super unimpressed after getting his vaccines at his 2 month appointment